THE DEFA STUDIO FOR POPULAR SCIENCE EDUCATION
PRESENTS
She has a boy-friend.
I saw her yesterday. She was wearing blue jeans.
She was riding her bike.
DO YOU HAVE THE TALK?
BOY-GIRL RELATIONSHIPS PART 1
SCENARIO:
BRIGITTE DIESING GÖTZ OELSCHLÄGEL
PLAYWRIGHT: ERICH LEGLER
EDITOR: WALTRAUD HARTMANN SOUND: FRED LINDE
DECOR: OTTO MÜLLER
SCIENTIFIC CONSULTANTS:
GERHARD WITZLACK, PSYCHOLOGIST SIGRID HAUPTVOGEL, EDUCATOR
ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: GERHARD SCHEUNERT
PRODUCER: FRIEDRICH ROCHOW
CAMERA: GÜNTER BIEDERMANN
DIRECTOR: GÖTZ OELSCHLÄGEL
What now?
Why are you crying?
Did something happen?
Anita?
Hey!
Say something.
The same thing every day.
What is it?
Leave me alone.
Don't speak to me like that.
This takes the cake. Do you understand it?
ANITA LOVES PETER. THEY KISSED!!!
11 and 12 year-old boys and girls sit in this classroom.
Last month, 3 indecent romance novels,
and series of photos circulated among them.
17 filthy pictures were drawn,
and 9 so-called love notes were written.
Why?
How many of you
have heard about the topic we have just talked about
from your mother and father?
Studies
in several schools
show that only 4% of 11 and 12 year-old students
have been educated by their parents about man-woman relationships
and related issues.
That is 40 students out of 1,000,
4 out of 100.
And only one in this classroom.
What do parents have to say?
Let's not beat around the bush.
I'm going to be frank,
and I know many parents think like me.
I hesitate very much
to talk about these things with my daughter.
She's been very secretive lately. I just can't bring myself to do it.
I'm the same with my son.
I just can't do it.
I know it's wrong but I just can't.
I don't understand why parents should face this alone.
It falls within the school's mission, I mean, the teachers'.
Without going into details but in Biology class,
when they talk about animals, there are lots of avenues.
- Sorry? - Is that better?
No details but from a scientific point of view.
- We must say something. - Wait.
And there are many specialized books with lots of answers about this topic.
Excuse-me, I don't agree at all.
What? Sex education like they're saying?
It'll only make kids curious. They'll see indecency everywhere.
It's obvious.
No, that's wrong.
Excuse me.
This sex education doesn't end with one conversation.
You do it in stages.
It is part of education from an early age.
Just imagine me one day telling my son:
"You're 12, now's the time for me
"to explain to you the difference between boys and girls."
It wouldn't work.
What we did is very simple.
From the time he was very young, we have tried to answer his questions,
very truthfully.
It's true.
But to be totally honest,
I still find it hard.
I think we're making too much fuss about it.
My son is still only interested in play. He doesn't think of girls.
- At his age? - Yes.
I agree with you.
At 11, 12 years of age, children don't think about sex.
Around 13, 14, maybe. It can start.
But not before.
I would go even further.
For me, such a topic is a real burden for children of that age.
I agree, 11 year-olds have no interest in the opposite sex yet.
Sex education is really unnecessary at this age.
With such sensitive topics, you need to wait as long as possible.
My thoughts exactly. There's still plenty of time.
Those who still think so
underrate both their children's maturity and their parental responsibility.
They let the old home medical guide arouse curiosity,
and be a source of poorly-digested knowledge.
The main topic:
bathroom talk.
Hurry up.
A real pig, you know?
- He touched her breast? - Yep!
- Down there too. - Oh, yuck!
Here happens, in the worst way,
what parents overlook.
Here is their sex education.
What's up?
We had to turn the sound off.
Some parents look the other way.
They pretend
it doesn't exist.
How many educators
content themselves with a resigned "It's an awkward age."
They don't notice the changes happening within their 12-year-old.
They don't notice
the dark ideas and new feelings
creating the first instances of inner turmoil
born from surrounding
stimuli.
Parents shy away,
and leave their children alone on puberty's threshold,
in one of the most complex phases of growing-up.
Old-fashioned prejudice and false shame
often intensify children's inner conflicts.
Say, Granny, what are
periods?
What are you mumbling?
Who told you?
The girls.
You'll learn about it soon enough.
She learned it too late.
She was taken by surprise by a natural process
in a woman's life, that she didn't understand.
In whom should she confide?
In the teacher?
In her friends?
In her Granny?
We don't mention it. You'll know soon enough.
What are you doing here?
Why aren't you outside?
Why are you crying?
It's nothing.
It was sheer coincidence that the pioneer leader walked by.
But it is definitely no coincidence that the girl trusts her.
It is the result of candour and pedagogy.
There is no good education without trust.
We can talk naturally about such natural things.
- OK? - Yes.
Stop crying now.
And Sigrid, next time you're looking for advice,
or have a question, come to me, I'll help you.
Yes.
Now let's go talk
to Granny.
Come.
But she's still a child.
She can't understand. She's only 11.
Children just don't suddenly turn into grown-ups.
It's a process.
We need to guide that process, not hinder it.
That's easy for you to say.
I often work late. I hardly see my child.
That's why I came, so we can talk about it.
Here's the most important point: let's not turn man-woman relationships
and everything they involve, into a secret.
Sigrid's questions must be answered, by us at school,
and by you at home.
That's right.
But Grannies can have slightly old-fashioned points of view.
Not only Grannies.
Most parents
know very little about puberty processes.
Sit down.
Between 12 and 13 years old,
the hormonal structure of children's bodies changes markedly.
Deep biological changes
mark the beginning of sexual maturity and bring about
psychological lability.
They seem to live in constant contradiction.
They stop being children,
but aren't adults yet.
This process starts 2 years earlier by girls
than by boys.
Who'll read the next one?
Christl, come to the board.
Researchers from many countries have shown that this maturation
occurs1 1/2 to 2 years earlier in current generations,
not between 13 and 14 anymore, but between 11 and 12
nowadays.
Parents and teachers need to be aware
of these early biological changes
and all their psychological and social effects,
to be able to solve puberty-related issues together.
Several development phases can be distinguished.
They overlap even though they're very different.
Very early on, children become aware of the differences
between boys and girls.
They begin to perceive their gender as something special.
Physical differences interest them.
The excess of youthful energy
acted out here is accompanied by a naive, unconscious
erotic interest.
They need to be made aware of their impulses,
to be able to learn how to control them.
Soon, rowdiness turns into dreamy crushes
with the furtive secrecy and vague longings
associated with self-discovery.
Youths feel so many feelings during that time.
They try to find their bearings in life.
They look for heroes, role models.
They fancy a certain ideal,
without proper measure or discernment yet.
Crushes
become idols.
She will laugh about it in a few years, and about herself.
Today however,
do we convey enough measure and discernment to her?
Evelin, help me with the dishes.
Can you hear me? I'm waiting.
Yes, coming.
This constant quest for awe-inspiring role models,
must be guided deliberately but unobtrusively by all educators.
Nevertheless, the greatest models should be Father
and Mother,
even in the most trivial occurrences.
- Let's start. Are you coming? - Yes, I am.
- Are you cold too? - No.
- I've been freezing all day. - That's easy to fix.
- Wouldn't it be better with this? - How kind of you.
This and similar instances will later influence Peter's behaviour.
Indeed, a half-playful, half-serious need for mutual contact
soon grows within him.
... stand up and show her to me.
Put your right arm around her.
Hold her tight and keep her warm.
Give me a lovely kiss
Because I must leave you now.
One starts to experience these old parlour games
as a new kind of highly amusing stimulus.
Sour.
Sweet.
One selects,
finds one's type and begins proper flirting.
The seat on my right is empty, I'm calling
Anita.
These are clear signs
that the youths are growing
and becoming aware of their gender identity.
1,
2,
3.
This phase requires maximum understanding, gentle help,
and character-building guidance from all educators.
Gradually, friendships are formed, often superficial
and short-lived,
sometimes deep and poignantly sincere,
like between Anita and Peter.
Studying together has allowed them to improve their school results.
However today,
he needs to tell her something important during class.
He wishes to carry her backpack during their field trip tomorrow.
If there's danger...
If there is one.
Who will write it on the blackboard? But in the infinitive, OK?
ONE THOUSAND KISSES PETER WHO LOVES YOU
Helpfulness, politeness and sincerity
are key factors in the development of feelings of mutual respect,
the basis for healthy boy-girl relationships.
Sex education builds character.
Besides continuous sex education, parents and teachers
need to give meaning to such little friendships.
Tasks accomplished together benefit all.
Discovering the meaning of work through play,
and the meaning of life through work.
Ethical values
are imprinted early,
and will influence their thoughts and critical minds.
Christl here.
We meet by the bus at 5. Do you receive me?
Listen, here's an important task for you 2.
- Can you do it? - Yes.
Look for our way back, so you can guide us.
Great.
I'm cold.
Like parent like child.
Peter very naturally copies his father's example.
But what seems natural for Anita certainly isn't for her parents.
Always fussing with your hair. What about your homework?
- It's finished. - Show me.
Here.
Coming.
- Anita? - Yes?
- I don't like it. - What?
- You spending all your time with Peter. - What of it?
- Go play with your girl friends. - Why not with Peter?
It is not proper for a girl.
You just want to pry.
- Anita? - Yes?
What's this?
Listen.
Peter who loves you.
This can't go on.
At your age?
It's ridiculous.
Give me my note back.
Of course, you can count on it.
Does her father realize what his irony is destroying within her?
Her all-important trust.
Not these boys but their parents and educators
are to blame
when budding friendships are ridiculed
and trodden upon.
Anita loves Peter. Anita loves Peter.
Did something happen?
Anita?
Hey!
Leave me alone.
Don't speak to me like that.
That takes the cake. Can you understand it?
Yes, it is perfectly understandable.
Such conflicts are usually a way of expressing
that something is wrong with parental education,
that the youths feel misunderstood at home,
and aren't trusted enough.
It is up to us, and us alone
whether our children grow into morally stable and creative adults.
We constantly need to keep their trust.
We need to take them seriously, like adults,
and to connect their desire for autonomy with a sense of social responsibility.
We will have done our job well
if helpfulness becomes an integral part of our children's personalities.
Regard for others
is a prerequisite of regard for the opposite sex,
the basis for education of love.
Let's get back to work. Sit down.
Subtitles: Élisabeth Fuchs