LOVE WITHOUT FEAR
I've been asked to participate in a film about AIDS.
I've heard and read a little about this disease,
and talked about it too.
There are statistics, figures, and I know,
that they mask stories of disease and death.
But what does it have to do with me, with me personally?
I don't feel affected.
It's the same for many others.
What should we say?
Here's a new, dangerous disease.
Our behaviours need to change.
There are things
to learn, again.
Prescriptions
and limitations, again.
We obey, for the sake of reason.
But what does reason have to do with sex?
Who wants to be told what to do?
Here, love can start.
But someone could also pick you up here, for one night.
Sleeping with someone I don't love isn't for me.
But...
If you're really lonely,
and you meet someone you really like...
Would I think of AIDS then?
Do you need to protect yourself from AIDS?
Actually, no.
Why not?
- You have no special friend? - Yes, I do.
So why do you think you need no protection?
Well, because my girlfriend is normal.
- Normal people can't catch it? - What?
Normals can't catch it?
Yes, they can. But at least, the missus's clean.
I have a steady boyfriend. I can't see... I don't need to.
- What about you? - Same.
Otherwise, I'd use condoms. Well, not me, the guy.
- For me personally, no. - Why not?
Well, you know... No time left.
I'll be tied down from Wednesday, that's it for me.
If you do it right, I have no fear.
- What does "doing it right" mean? - Being faithful or using condoms.
For some people, it's a huge risk.
I used to live differently too but I wouldn't repeat that now.
To me, it's important to talk about it,
because you don't know, all the foreigners...
So many come here.
If you go steady, and you know exactly who you've been with,
then it's no problem.
I wouldn't say AIDS is a big issue for many people here.
Many can more or less control themselves.
I have a steady girl. I'm becoming a father and stuff.
I don't need to use condoms or whatever.
I'm feeling rather safe.
You'll never go off the rail?
In principle, no, I'd say.
And if you did, would you use a condom?
I guess not.
Because it's nonsense.
And you?
I fucking don't care.
You fucking don't care about AIDS or...
Problem is... It's her problem, not mine.
What allegedly good reasons
do we use to push AIDS to the back of our conscience?
We assume AIDS always befalls the others.
But it's transmitted by people who love each other,
or at least when they love each other.
Sure, in a true, faithful relationship, AIDS is not an issue.
But what if you break up?
What if you're still looking for someone?
Then there's still a risk.
I can't imagine living and loving with no risk.
But where does carelessness begin?
The more I delve into this subject,
the less I can ignore it.
I often think about when and with whom I slept,
and with whom he did, and with whom he or she did.
It makes you feel unsecure.
Still, we agreed this film shouldn't frighten anyone,
because fear can't protect you.
DR. A. SCHOLZ HEAD OF DERMATOLOGY
Is it possible for the patient to impact
the disease in any way,
or the course of the disease?
In addition to the patient's personal attitude and outlook,
it's very important to have regular medical check-ups.
That's why we have set up
what we call "AIDS advice centres" in each district of the GDR.
Here, on the one hand,
when patients have been diagnosed as HIV-positive,
they get medical advice.
When an infection turns up, it's handled immediately,
so as not to strain their immune system for too long.
On the other hand, there are numerous psychosocial issues
they experience after discovering that they're HIV-positive.
When someone's in doubt,
would you advise them to have an HIV test?
I feel nervous or hesitant, just thinking
of directly getting a test.
I always try to do it indirectly, when donating blood,
because I fear those intimate questions.
I'd have to admit then,
that I've slept with people I actually didn't really know,
without telling them: "We barely know each other, use a condom."
That's exactly what we don't want you to do.
When you donate blood,
which you should do, it's a very good thing...
But for us doctors...
Actually, you should trust us doctors.
It's important that this conversation... Is your fear legitimate?
Have some of your prejudices grown out of proportion
and developed into fear?
We always have this conversation before doing an HIV test.
I'd like to add that you need to wait 6 weeks...
There must be a waiting period after unprotected intercourse
with someone you had suspicions about.
Then we can perform the test.
And let's address a theme that comes up regularly in the press:
anonymity.
The lab analysing your blood sample
will never use your name and address.
They will provide you with a code, and then we'll...
We'll be able to identify your sample.
I kind of feel that many youth turn away from AIDS as an issue.
Do you have the same experience in your work?
Over the past 2 years,
we've given numerous lectures in our own area,
and we've had many discussions.
We've conveyed information through the media.
We see AIDS
as one type of sexually-transmitted disease,
because that's the most common mode of transmission here.
In these discussions,
and in the course of the disease, we see
that, over the past 2 years, there have been shifts in behaviour.
- Positive ones? - Yes.
People have become more careful,
or, something we need to count too,
they have used more condoms.
It means that the almost forgotten "rubber protection"
is decidedly being used against STDs again.
It's also the most crucial piece of info we can give about AIDS:
STDs can only be impacted
through personal responsibility toward your partner.
We can protect ourselves against AIDS.
A little rubber shouldn't be an issue.
Theoretically, I realise that. But practically...
It starts with buying
the thing.
I'd like a bag of coffee.
- Moccafix? - Yes.
Anything else?
I'd like to buy condoms.
Which ones would you like?
I don't know the types.
I'll show you.
We have Mondos Feucht, Gold,
Luxus and Perfekt.
Or Spezial.
What's the difference?
- These are moister and these are dryer. - OK.
- How many pieces in a package? - 3 here and 1 there.
How much do they cost?
This is 2 Mark and this is 1.65.
That's just 1.
Well, then...
- I'd like 2 of these. - Yes.
Before sleeping together,
there's a moment when you decide whether to be safe or not.
If you miss it and keep quiet for fear of ruining the mood,
it may have already happened.
You don't need much courage though,
just the confidence to say:
"Listen, because I care for you,
"let's be safe."
It's better than uncertainty and self-blame afterwards.
Or is it still true that: "Love is blind"?
I'd like to introduce myself. I'm Udo Zobel.
I work at the AIDS discussion group at the Courage work alliance.
This AIDS discussion group started in 1987.
It was actually founded
to give advice and care to people affected by AIDS.
And we do prevention work
through lectures
educational events, distribution of flyers...
I've taken on the lecture part to open the dialogue with people,
talking about the pros and cons of specific things.
We've heard the key points, we think we know it all.
We'll see
how concrete questions bring out fears, fear of physical contact,
and inhibitions.
We know precisely about transmission paths.
It happens mainly through anal and vaginal intercourse,
and oral intercourse, with the mouth, OK?
Gays do that.
Why are they particularly in danger? You say "gays".
Well, because...
Because, in principle, they're the carriers.
- They're the carriers. - Yes?
They infect themselves, so to say,
then they can transmit it forward.
Women can too.
You can get it from anybody and pass it on.
Don't blame it on the gays, saying: "It's their fault". It isn't.
You can't say: "They're gay, yuck, they invented AIDS."
They didn't.
The virus doesn't care at all whether you're a man, a woman
or a child.
The main thing is, there are prerequisites to getting infected.
Infected body fluids must get in contact with your blood.
Safer sex means
no unprotected vaginal, anal or oral intercourse.
There's an old means, actually not old,
something has become modern again...
What's its name? Condom, sheath, rubber...
It has so many names.
We know it.
We've blown it out, filled it with water,
annoyed people with it, who didn't?
But when it comes to really using it... We won't practice for real here though.
I've brought a few condoms.
I'm going to hand them out.
Here, take it. You can have one too.
Here you go.
Over there, at the back.
Here you are.
Who's going to dare show how to use it properly?
Show us then, roll it on and show...
Use your fingers, maybe. Show us.
Let's go.
Check out whether he's doing it right.
Well, if you do it like this, there's a great hazard.
It could leak, yes.
For me, there should be some air in your mate there.
Your mate!
I mean, be logical, look at the device.
- There's a doodad here, in front. - What's it called?
- No idea. - A reservoir.
- Exactly, like a... - A catch basin.
So if you put it on too tightly, your load can't get out, I mean...
Then it's somehow...
Either you tear it off or... I mean...
- Like I said... - It's rubbish?
You need, you need to...
You need some room.
I've brought a few photos.
You can look at "real life".
I'm going to stand up.
Like we said... Can we...
Let's get on with it.
The member should be really stiff, erected.
That's... In German...
Then you can pull it on,
and look, squeeze at the top.
There should be no air bubble left.
So squeeze at the top.
Some hold it with their fist, others like this,
whatever's comfortable for you.
Then roll it down, you got that right,
roll it down tightly.
On this prevention topic, they say you should include it
into sexual foreplay but...
Well, either I would, I don't know, laugh out of insecurity or...
I can't imagine how to do it so that...
Manual skills are involved somehow.
Arousal won't last forever, if I tear it open now,
then it's too late.
Practice makes perfect.
How do you practice? In front of a mirror?
Won't help.
Make an effort, use your imagination, that kind of thing.
I think they should be free. Others can think otherwise.
The issue is: do people use it?
You're right but let's assume you don't have much dough left,
Do you buy this or 10 bread rolls with your last Mark?
OK, don't be cross now.
You meet someone, right?
Then tell me... I mean...
It could be, couldn't it? And when you think about this topic...
You get to know them better...
But this topic is rejected,
totally rejected,
talking about it.
"Are you stupid or what?" That's the answer I got.
Or
"No, not that. Shall we do it or... What time is it?"
Or nothing at all. It's like that.
You feel silly when you tell a girl: "Wait."
Silently, right?
Now the girl thinks: "Is he nutty or what?"
You don't know what she thinks about it.
If she says: "I'd rather do it with a condom", then good,
let's do it with a condom.
But you feel ashamed... Both partners feel ashamed, I'd say.
Bear it in mind.
Well, you collect experiences, right?
And AIDS wasn't around yet.
Naturally, I didn't take the pill, etc.
Why does the woman always have to take charge?
"You do this, you calculate, you..."
I said: "John Doe, use the thing or you get zilch."
And he used one and it worked...
You know? I can't understand why you don't dare.
Is it about self-confidence or do you feel somehow... I don't know.
Maybe I was raised wrong. Could be.
If you feel relaxed in the relationship,
all you have to do is smile and say:
"Hey, John Doe, this or that."
For others, it's hard.
They want to ask but fear being laughed at,
and the like,
so they don't ask and they hold back.
Let's turn this around. For example, you tell a guy...
Say, you'd told me, when I was 16, 17:
"Use the thing or else."
It would have stopped me for several years.
I wouldn't have tried again, OK?
I don't want to be like my parents.
When I have children, I'll do things differently.
Start changing now,
by starting to change with your partner.
More importantly, with AIDS, we have the possibility
to prevent it through our own initiative.
Do you have... No, not with...
Not in the same proportion as with AIDS.
We need to talk about the emotional part of sex,
and about sexual responsibility.
It's about getting close to another human being,
allowing both sides to hold their own,
and reach compromises.
But you need to learn it first.
It was difficult to find
an infected person ready to talk on camera.
Too many of us
reject infected people out of ignorance
and intolerance.
A sad chapter of our research.
I felt inhibited too at first.
I was afraid my questions
would hurt.
You told me that you were infected in October last year.
What was that like?
Well first, as for everybody surely, there's a shock, isn't there?
First, you don't really understand.
If you're a bit sensitive, you want to harm yourself.
There were suicidal thoughts.
A few days later...
- I got the flu. - The flu?
Yes, the flu.
So you're sitting here all alone, nobody's here,
and you fight with yourself.
This could be the end.
I have my fears,
my aspirations and stuff, of course,
but I'm still saying:
"You're still alive. You're infected, that's serious.
"Continue to hope for a cure."
It's the biggest hope you can have although it hasn't materialised yet.
Why didn't you protect yourself,
I mean, with a condom?
Well, I knew a lot about it, how to protect yourself, the like,
but you don't walk around
thinking about it all day.
Maybe when you start a relationship,
maybe you want to have some "hot" moments.
You don't think, and then suddenly it happens.
Of course, I'd act differently today.
I haven't told my parents,
because I want to see them as they are.
I'm sure that if I told them,
they would look at me differently,
with pity.
I'm still their son for them, and so it shall remain.
They'll learn about it when, let's say, sadly,
it's too late.
I can imagine that it will bring them down,
but from my point of view, it's the best way.
Really?
Don't you think your parents could be good allies for you,
precisely in that situation?
I know my mother would be for me.
I have a very good ally, my life partner.
I can really talk openly
about everything with him.
But it's true, you do need an ally.
What did you think were the pros and cons
of accepting this interview for a film?
For me, it's an opportunity to say
that this disease
isn't a disgusting one,
that it's really here, and that we need to try
to fight it with all the means currently available.
Be it by using condoms to protect ourselves
or through partner selection.
I'd like to say
that I always looked for stable relationships.
I would advise other people to do the same,
if they're currently looking for a new friend.
Really talk with them first.
Build a trusting relationship, don't go to bed straight away.
I'd like to think
that after a while, you're so strong
that you can say: "Let's do the test together,
"let's go."
It demonstrates that it's real love and not just
any relationship.
I don't know what the film
will trigger in viewers.
I can only say how I feel at the end of this project.
Maybe we shouldn't turn
to clichés where love is concerned.
I want to love and be loved.
Without fear or a bad conscience,
without blaming myself and others.
Maybe the first step is to ask myself:
"What do I really want?"
"What matters to me?"
My sexuality is part of me.
It can't be better than I am.
A FILM FROM THE DEUTSCHES HYGIENE MUSEUM
IN THE GERMAN DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC
Subtitles: Élisabeth Fuchs