INSTITUTE FOR FILM AND IMAGE IN SCIENCE AND EDUCATION
HELMUT, 18 YEARS OLD, ALCOHOLIC
Waking up one afternoon, I felt miserable,
and I had nothing left to drink.
I had been back home for 3 days.
I only left my room to get something to drink.
That afternoon, I had delirium tremens.
It's like going crazy.
I could hear people outside talking about me.
They were shooting me down.
They were talking
about all my crimes, and the reasons why I had left home.
They were going to report me
and the police would arrest me.
And lots more stuff.
I broke down in the evening.
My parents took me to hospital,
where I was put in detox.
My name is Helmut, I'm 18 years old,
and I'm an alcoholic.
Helmut, we're almost here. Are you afraid?
Enormously.
After my detox,
my social worker drove me to a rehabilitation centre.
Alcohol has destroyed me.
I'm determined to succeed, right?
It's going to be tough for you without alcohol.
Most importantly, you need to stop lying.
Yeah.
Will you be there?
No, not during the admission interview.
We're here. That's the house.
Rehab was going to free me from my addiction.
The admission interview is compulsory when you arrive.
I was terrified because I thought
that all the people sitting around me were specialists.
Actually, most of them were patients.
You've been telling us for 30 min that you want to stop drinking.
How are you going to do it?
I don't know. You...
You've been here longer. You have more experience.
Come to us. Take off your glasses.
Why?
Take them off. I want to see your eyes.
You're hiding behind them.
You need to come to us.
I won't admit you if I don't know you.
I know neither who you are nor what's up with you.
I don't think you've told us the whole story.
You blame the others. You poor boy.
I've told you everything.
I don't think so.
Are you afraid?
Yes.
What did you do out there when you were afraid?
I got wasted.
You've told us that you had a girlfriend, right?
- Yes. - Were you afraid with her too?
Yes.
"Not in the mood", that's all you say.
- What about your weekly report? - Not writing it now.
When?
Tomorrow, tomorrow.
"Tomorrow, tomorrow".
You won't be any smarter then.
During rehab, I had to think about home.
I often thought that my father had turned me into a loser.
Look at this mess!
What's this?
Pictures of painted women.
Bullshit!
What?
It's my friend.
- That's bullshit! - So what?
- Stop it. - You shit's always lying around.
- Do it for me. - No, no.
That report...
I couldn't stand it
when my mother intervened between my father and me,
and cried.
It got on my nerves.
I felt guilty so I would walk away.
Write your report!
- Stop it. - Rubbish!
Idler!
- Got a light? - No.
I always wanted to belong to the smart students,
but I couldn't as I couldn't talk as well as them.
I was able to talk with Eva
because I'd known her for 3 months.
Hello.
Hello, Eva.
I don't know what Eva thought.
When I showed up with her, people thought I was in school with her,
but I still felt inferior.
Why were you so weird? Didn't you want to come in?
Didn't feel like it.
What's wrong with you? You're acting weird.
I wanted to be alone with you.
Impossible, I need to study. I have a Latin test tomorrow.
I really can't.
Come.
I guess I should go then.
Honestly, it's best. I really need to study.
Ciao.
You don't notice early on that you're becoming a drinker.
I was always drinking with the gang.
Someone was always at the disco.
I had beer regularly,
and stronger things too whenever possible.
I got plastered at least twice a week.
I had developed a need for alcohol by then.
I ordered bubbly for you.
- But I told you that... - You're just a stupid cow.
What do you think you're doing?
Go f...
I'm going to Munich to study.
- To Munich? - Yes.
- For your diploma? - You?
- Yes. - Never!
Yes.
I've got money from my folks and that bloody job.
Right now,
I don't feel like working in a garage anymore.
- You want more, don't you? - Yes, something like that.
- I'll get a flat in Munich. - How much will that be?
He knocks them back one after the other.
Will you drink as much in Munich?
What will you do? All you do is sit around here.
You don't have any plans.
- Is this for you? - Yes.
Where's your coaster? Why is there one round and 3 beers?
- It's all I had. - What?
One round and 3 beers.
- You had 10. - No, 3.
And the bubbly?
I only ordered one round and 3 beers.
Bubbly and 9 beers.
I wanted to booze without the others
noticing it.
I didn't intend to cheat Schalli.
9 beers and...
I'm telling you, I had one beer, 3 beers and one round.
You had precisely 9 beers.
Schalli, our bills!
What's wrong with you, Helmut?
I don't know.
Lend me some dough?
I don't understand. You're always bragging.
You have no money.
What are you doing?
I don't know.
You talk about...
You talk about Munich, studying.
Finish your apprenticeship first.
I don't feel like it anymore.
The garage is dreadful.
You start something and give up immediately.
And you're always drinking.
- I don't.. - You're ruining yourself.
...feel well.
I can't cope anymore.
Helmut, are you with us? Sit properly, will you?
You sound like my old man.
What about your father?
- I don't want to talk about him. - Sit down.
You're avoiding the topic again. Face it at last.
I don't want to.
Then why are you here?
You always,
you always want me to...
You're expecting me to...
I always need to... I...
I can't.
I don't want to talk about him.
Can you imagine your father here? Tell him how you're feeling.
You're asking a lot of me.
Go on.
Try.
Do you want to cooperate or not?
- Ok, Helmut. - You're asking too much of me.
I'm always
supposed to remain seated,
I can't.
Go round and tell each of us: "You're asking too much of me."
Start with Julia and go round.
- Go. - You're asking too much of me.
You're asking too much of me.
Loudly.
Imagine your father in front of you. Tell him the same.
Now.
You're asking too much of me.
Again.
Again, loudly.
Now, try saying:
"Helmut, you're asking too much of yourself."
Say it to yourself.
You're asking too much of yourself.
- Again. - You're asking too much of yourself.
How do you feel now?
It's... There's a...
I don't really know.
There's a, something inside of me...
I'm back to...
I often find, Helmut,
that you claim to do more than what you can actually do,
more than what you are able.
Who would like to say something to him?
I agree.
You're always showing off.
You've got this image of yourself that you can't attain.
My father viewed me as a loser,
but when I was in the discotheque,
people recognised me.
I was always looking for dough.
Yes, I'd prefer one with a strap on the front.
We don't have any left here, Maybe in the storeroom.
Just a minute.
My friend was already a salesman. He earned more than me.
What now, Helmut?
Michael, can you lend me 50 marks, please?
- Again? - Yes.
No, I'm fed up.
What do you mean?
- Last week, I lent... - You're my friend.
Helmut, I like you but you need to understand me.
You're always asking me for money.
Lend me money, please.
I'll give it back to you on the week-end.
- Lend me 50 marks. - What for?
- I've met this woman. - You and your drinking.
If I can't go visit her,
it'll be over.
That's bullshit.
- Please. - Helmut.
Here are 20 marks.
I want them back next week.
My parents knew I was drinking but not how much.
I tried to hide the alcohol,
but I couldn't anymore.
There were empty bottles everywhere.
I didn't throw them out anymore.
Come over here.
I'm busy.
Brake inspection, here,
on this car, front ones.
- Why me? - Do you want to learn or not?
I'm here, ok?
I must say, you are often late.
Mark the wheel.
- The mark's already here. - You forgot the other day.
Do you want to learn something or not, Helmut ?
This has nothing to do with the rest of it.
What's wrong with you?
You've been coming in late for weeks now.
You have bags under your eyes.
- Yeah. - 2 large ones.
Don't use a brush.
In school, they told us to use a brush to avoid getting TB.
- What about your smoking, then? - Everybody smokes, so what?
OK, I'm taking the fucking air gun.
Be thorough now.
I came in late but I was trustworthy at work.
He was endlessly talking. It got on my nerves.
I wanted to give up on the apprenticeship,
but my father demanded that I finish it.
Want a sip?
No, thanks.
...like a merry-go-round.
That foreman, I could break his bones.
Have just one sip, a quick one.
I could blow up that garage if I wanted.
I'd love that.
Right, have a drink then send your foreman to hell.
Fucking foreman!
I could blow up the whole joint.
Eva didn't have school that day,
and I thought: "Take a day off too."
We hitchhiked to the city.
First, I'm going to tour the USA.
- How will you do that? - My father will pay for it.
And when I'm in the USA...
On the road, Eva told me that after graduating,
she wanted to visit relatives in the USA
to go to photography school there.
I thought: "You could travel with her."
Travelling with Eva'd be great. I dreamt about it a lot.
I'll work in a gas station while you're in class.
I don't think it's that easy to find a job in America as a foreigner.
Let's play hooky for a few days.
No, I can't skip classes.
If you want to work in America while I go to school...
On that day I thought: "You worry about everything."
I wanted to stay with Eva after her graduation.
It motivated me to stop drinking.
When we're gone, I'll prove to my old man
that I can fend for myself.
That's secondary,
The important thing is to get training,
not to prove stuff.
My old man needs to stop pressuring me. I can't stand it anymore.
Hey, that's my foreman.
- Let's go. - You're mad.
Look, by the phone booth.
No, these are too much. That blue, red.
What do you like, then?
I don't know.
I like this one.
Let me see.
How much is it?
320.
It's nice, it's lovely.
No, I don't want a 320-mark ring.
That's crazy. No.
I don't want it.
I don't want a ring.
Would you like a pendant? A little chain?
I'd like a little chain.
- What about these? - That's better.
We have several patterns and sizes.
- Patterns? - This is a short one.
Yes, it's beautiful.
How much is it?
It costs 8 marks.
Yes, that's better.
I tried to wean myself off of alcohol,
I hadn't had a drink in 8 hours.
Helmut, come down!
Leave him be, he's poorly.
Come over here, come down!
Come on, we can do it together.
He's lazy up there and you need to...
If he can't, just leave him alone.
Come down!
So heavy.
Come down!
That day in my room, with my parents toiling away downstairs,
I couldn't work.
I was in a lot of pain because my body needed alcohol.
You're always protecting him.
And again today, with that thing we had to carry.
You're always protecting him.
I, on the other hand, try to,
move him forward a little and...
You always undercut me.
He wasn't feeling well.
- You should have seen him. - What's wrong with him?
He's shaking and he...
He should drink less and go to bed earlier.
He's always hanging out in bars.
You're sitting here,
playing around with your spuds.
You look just as dumb as him.
It drives me crazy.
You're asking too much of him.
What do I ask?
He should get, he should have some ambition.
He should apply himself a little,
forge ahead a little,
properly,
like the other boys.
Finally, my weaning pains were so strong
that I reached for pills,
to alleviate the pain.
I had taken pills before.
I mixed them with alcohol
to increase its effect.
As I reached for pills, I felt better immediately.
My weaning attempt failed that afternoon.
I tried to stop drinking several times.
It made me more and more aggressive.
One day, after a fight, a social worker picked me up,
and I spoke with him about the whole thing.
Do you often fight when you're drunk?
From time to time.
That's what I hear.
Are you ever sober?
Seldom.
- Where do you live? - Bahnhofstraße.
Do you have a job?
I've been jobless for 2 months.
How do you pay for alcohol?
I'm on the dole.
That won't last, will it?
OK, mate. All done.
Where do you live again?
Bahnhofstraße, 13.
You live with your parents?
For the time being.
I'll stop by tomorrow.
At 2pm.
Hope you'll be sober.
Hello. Want a sip?
No, thanks.
Something smells good here.
Our lovely Eva!
So funny!
Are the first guests already here?
I don't know.
What's happening here?
Great.
Put it back, OK?
- Don't touch. - Look at this.
It's for the salad. Stop!
What are you preparing?
- A party. - Why didn't you invite me?
Come here.